What happens when a Service Person dies

To most civilians Service life is something of a mystery and proliferated with seemingly bizarre abbreviations. When a Service Person dies there are various processes that kick into action; processes and procedures that are  documented in a large  manual full of  acronyms. Even  families who have lived “behind the wire” and are familiar with Service jargon can be mystified, and the  parents of  deceased  personnel and  those  who  try to help the bereaved can be totally confused. This is intended to be a  straightforward  guide to what happens, and what support the bereaved can expect from the Armed Forces and others, following a death in Service.

Why is a death in Service any different  from any other death?
In some respects it is  no  different  and at the end of the day losing your loved one is  devastating under any circumstances.   However  in some ways it can be very different, and there may well be factors that complicate the grieving process.

• The deceased are normally young  adults in the prime of life or  embarking on adulthood
• Where families are left behind they are often young with young children
• Death is often sudden, traumatic and in the  public eye with significant media intrusion
• If it is an operational death in a combat area, there  may be  mixed feelings as to whether the death was in a good cause or not. 

Where there is a widow (and children) it is likely that that family lived a  “Service centred” life: a way of life that was dominated by the Services and at the same time supported  by the Services.  In many cases the  family’s life may have been exclusively centred on the Service station, base, regiment, etc. Under  such circumstances losing a spouse can  and often does mean, losing  not just  one’s loved one, but also one’s entire way of life. It is almost like losing one’s identity - a double bereavement. Furthermore  in the  not too distant future after the death,  those living in “base housing” will have to move out and all the familiar landmarks and people will be  lost.  Even for those not  living “on the base” the only reason for being in that location  may have been the spouse’s job.

Although all three Services have their own  particular way of doing things the principles are the same.

Service personnel often meet their partners away from their parental home.  They may come from very different backgrounds and, due to geographical separation there may be little or no contact between the marital and parental families.  When death occurs this lack of cohesion often results in further stresses on an already fragile relationship.

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